Club Captain's Speech 2003 |
15th May 2003 |
Ladies and Gentlemen. Honoured guests. Alright Lads!
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Welcome to the last ever speech by an Old Reigatians Club Captain. Next year we weill of course be operating under a new name, although what this will be is still the subject of fevered speculation as the voting slips have not yet been issued. Not wishing to prejudice the jury, but my own favourite would be for straightforward smiple AFC Reigate. Time will tell, but let's not fall into the trap of thinking that the name change will bring automatic improvement on the pitch. As I'll show you later, that is certainly required! Fortunately a "doers" Committee has been set up that aims to rectify some of the ills inherent throughout the club. I love this club, have been playing for 15 years (OK, not a patch on some of our more - ahem - "senior" members, but not to be sniffed at either), and have always wanted tobe the club captain. Having said that, this is not the bit I was looking forward to. It is much like being the best man at a wedding. Everyone gets p!ssed and enjoys themselves while you just sit there bricking it and hoping it will soon be over. I now understand why Neil was drinking water last year and why Mark was always trying to offload the duty after several years as captain. And this doesn't even have the saving grace of bridesmaids that the best man is duty bound to score with after the speeches.
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It makes no difference to me what we call ourselves - it is you guys who make the club what it is. And what it is, is an institution 80 years in the making. That's a lot of people giving up a lot of time to make your saturday as enjoyable as possible. I won't go through them all because it is the same old that that we know and love. Talking of which, we do need some of the younger guys to step up to the plate and help take the club forward. It is good to see some of the on the aforementioned "doers" committee, but on the other hand, only two of the team captains are below the age of 30. The other momentous thing to happen to the Football Association of Reigate Town (as Chris Brown suggested calling us - the Vets would simply then be the Old Farts) this year was of course a change in club sponsor and I would have been delighted to see Paul, our landlord and new sponsor at The Market Hotel, here with us tonight. I would been even more delighted if he has sent the lovely Leah instead! There is a precedent for having women at the dinner. I believe there have been at least a couple of girlfriends in recent years (is that right, Garry?), and we even had a female guest speaker a few seasons back. To be fair, she was an England international, and even bought some videos ....playing football unfortunately.... with her. She would have been better off being an England crickerter so she would have been able to beat off the sweaty, drunken horde trying to pull her....a pint after the dinner. Anyway, if Paul was here, I would take the opportunity to thank him for his support (he has been to watch a couple of games as was , apparently, impressed). We ask you now to raise your glasses to him. The Market is a fantastic location, opposing teams often compliment our hospitality, and the barstaff are excellent.
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So, to the performances on the pitch. It might be best to gloss over this as it does not make comfortable listening, but given the lack of a guest speaker, that wouldn't really fill the evening very well. Those of a nervous disposition or that hide behind the sofa for horror films should block their ears now. The oft-referred to "green juggernaut" slipped into reverse gear as we recorded our worst set of results for many seasons. In fact, in 127 league games across all seven sides, we won a paltry 34, losing 74 and shipping an extraordinary 381 goals in the process. You can't blame the keepers for all of those, surely?! The bottom five sides each conceeded 60 goals (well, if the 5s concede 8 tomorrow) [they let in 10 - Ed] and unfortunately, we are not REal Madrid and did not simply waltz down the other end and score the odd 70! Of course, you can blame the strikers for that! In fact, the average score in all league games was exactly a 3-1½ defeat. At least the Reserves put together a decent set of results, but more of that later.
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As I say, the "Doers" are looking at ways of improving all this. starting with trying to establish new feeds of young players into the club. Those youngsters we have recruited have done brilliantly and have played in the higher sides, so this is clearly part of the solution. However, the average age of the first team is still around 30. One problem I do want to raise here isthat of availability. In my capacity as Chairman of Selectors, I keep a note of the number of unavailabilities each week. Worryingly, the average is around 18 - that is almost two full sides missing every week. And it stems right from the top. I have used some 27 players in the 1s this season (and that's not counting the Oxfam and Disney Cup, or whatever it's called) - when we had those great season under Mark Dickins a few years back, we would use only 16 or 17. I know everyone has other pressures and duties, all the way from having to work to having carnal knowledge of your pet poodle (well, what you do in your spare time is up to you), and moreover we are not professionals and only play for fun.....but settled sides are more successful - that's a fact - and it is very frustrating for the captains and teammates when people are skiing, shopping, washing the car, going to weddings (weddings should be in the summer for God's sake!), babysitting, getting p!ssed, going to the beach or going to your sister's graduation (yes, Shandy Hazell). Alright, you get the picture, enough whinging.
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Now, it has become customary to give an update on the sweepstake during the speech (and not just to pad it out either). Given I haven't even got onto the detailed lowlights (well, there aren't many high ones) by team yet and we're 20 minutes in, I think we can rule out those of you in the rather optimistic sub-20 minute band. I see a few of you know me well and have gone for guesses around the 45 minute mark. I promise not to go on that long unless there is a LOT of clapping! And I don't mean slow-clapping either!
Alright, alright; the sides. What you do as first team captain is this. With 2-3 weeks to go, you politely ask all the other captains for a few wise words about their season - a kind of end of term report as I explained to Nigel, who is a teacher - perhaps with a few funnies thrown in. After a week or so you'll receive....nothing! So you send them a little (perhaps slightly less polite) reminder. Over the next week and a half (i.e. up to about three days ago), you'll receive a dribble of responses, some of which are beautifully worded speeches in their own right and some, a few choice words. The best one that I got was the first attempt by Chris Brown ,who simply handed me a yellow stickie withthe sord "sh!t" written on it. I wasn't sure if this was a comment on the 4th tam season as a whole, Chris' own performances (my understanding is that they gleaned no points when he played and on two occasion he subbed himself into a leading side they lost) or simply an insult aimed at me.
Seriously, the 4s did have a shocking season, winning just two league games (with Chris absent, of course) and dumped out of the cup competitions early doors. The season was illuminated, however, by victory over the 3s in a friendly fixture. Instead of his usual team talk ("Come on lads, this is a f*cking chambles"), Chris went for the easy line of encouragement, "Tony.Z said you're all sh!t and would never dream of picking you for the 3s." It did the trick and the 4s prevailed by a decisive 4-1 margin. Chris reports that he felt like the Grand Old Duke of York as he marched his men to the top of the hill, but just like the nursery rhyme, he quickly marched them down againthe following week, with yet another league defeat. Encouragingly, Chris says he has enjoyed the season, particularly the last game at John Fisher where apparently the side was:
...yes, lost on me as well
Down in the 7s, poor Nigel had a torrid time trying to arrange a side each week. In fact, he lists his top three highlights of the season as:
He goes on to say:
'I actually used 61 players, 36 of which had their first game for the club (three of whom were goalkeepers, but we still need more), 19 were recruited via other 7th team members.
Favourite moment:
Following a big whinge from me about getting hammered on the pitch every week and players disappearing up with none coming down:
Tony.Z: "Well I see where you are coming from Nige, it must be disheartening, but..."
At this point I was thinking that some great words of comfort/wisdom were going to appear, or even better, a solution to the problem.
Tony.Z: "but it really doesn't matter if the 7s are getting hammered aso long as you are bringing good players into the club and..."
I was again thinking that a solution was coming.
Tony.Z:"and that they're playing higher up."
On reflection, a sound view, but disheartening at the time.It was a good season considering that our average score at the start of the season was 6-1 to the opposition and this lasted for four or so games. The low points were not having enough players to field a team despite making 45 telephone calles, not having a goalie sometimes and people failint to appear.
The high points were far more numerous and included a great team spirit and the chance to play with some great people - at least in terms of character if not footballing ability. Although representatives from the 7s are now regularly playing as high as the 3s, which is pleasing.
Mike Reiily often scrificed himself either coming off to give others a game or going in goal, but he is not a goalkeeper and wants the fact to be publicly known! We agree, as his average concession rate was seven per game
We do need to recruit more goalkeepers otherwise I will try and change the club rules and make one of you lot go in goal for the 7s ion a rota basis!
Moving up one side, the 6th team were hampered from the start by the fact that no-one wanted to be the captain.
The Committee roped Richard Keyes into looking after the team, but only on a short term contract in order to find a caption. Richard was captain for 6 games, and a very impressive 6 games they were - a maximum of 6 loses, 26 goals conceeded and only 8 scored! Richard had decided that enoguh was enough and hung up his captain's armbad. The next target was Gerry O'Dwyer, selected by none other than Roger Craddock. Gerry couldn't make selection, but wanted to take on captaincy in which case Roger craddock rustled in garry wait. Why? Because he was the nearest person to Roger at the time in the Market and didn't play football due to injury.
The Gerry and Garry partnership worked wonders, so good that Gerry had quit football altogther four game in! So now the 6s were halfway through the seasonwith no wins and with more goals conceeded thatn West Ham and worst news of all was that Garry Wait was left in charge. To Garry's rescue, Eddie Woods was doing a fine job organising the team on the pitch, writing whinging match reports and a father type figure to Messrs Vaughan and Heyden the Elder.
The 6s first win of the season came away from home at St Mary's just a little more than half way through the season. the team looked promosing from the start. CAllups from the 7s saw Tom Anderson and Edouard Chaillou get the 6th team debuts and with Garry getting the all clear from his physio could start playing again. The guys won 2-1 from being 1-down and the winner being a screamer of a shot from Garry in the 85th minute - so he says anyway!
Shortly afterwards, Garry decided to jack inthe captaibcy of the 6s as like the others he had had enough and Steve Williams took on the role. Interestingly Steve's comments are that:
"The St Mary'swin was the last game under Garry's control. Yes, he did score a screamer, but he has failed to remember that we wouldn't have won the match had it not been for the blistering equalising header from myself or the fact that I played him in for his goal!
The win should have given is a kick up the @rse and lead us to win our next match, however we actually lost the next three. That said, one of these matches was against Guildford, the runaway league leaders, in which we played some great football and were unlucky to lose 3-2 - of note was an excellent display from Ed Mezzetti, capped by a great goal. WEre were bottom of the league at this point and our next match was to our closest rivals Sutton. Three 'glamour' goals from Williams, Wait and Anderson should have been eough to seal the perfect victory.......had it not been for the five goals that Sutton scored.
Unfortunately, this defeat left us laguishing at the foot of the league. However, great performances from players such as Chris Yates, Simon Scoble, Paul Randall and Scrapper Blagdon inspired us to 1 win and 2 draws in our next set of matches. WE climbed above Sutton, but poor performance since have seen us frop back to the foot of the table.
I was in position to change the team around for our penultimate games - a double header home to Shene. Bringing in players from the upper teams didn't seem to help as we slipped to a double defeat. Although I am very grateful for the players who turned up, I have come to the conclusion that fiddling with rigers is no way to win football matches, or friends.
The season has been pretty frustrating as the squad has been dynamically interchangeable and obviously the management shuffling hasn't helped, but I feel it's brought out some good performances from solid players - in particular Eddie Woods and Mark Eagleton. Both have played in almost every match and their leadership and motivation has been excellent. We've also seensome great performances from the likes fo Richard Keyes, Garry Wait, Chris Yates and Mark Bennett ("Beamer") and the list goes on. So thanks to all the guys who have played for the 6s this season and for their committment to the cause. Although the results haven't been what we would have liked, there are a lot of positives to be taken from the season and the character of the players has been strong.
With a rsularmanager and a backbone of some of these players, the 6s can look forward to a bright season next year.
I'm sure he's right!
The 5s also had a disappointing season seeing them finish, if they ever do, in the bottom four.
Part of the problem is of course the fact that we have suffered as all the sides have with the general poor availability throughout the club, which certainly has not helped us. This of course is a problem which all clubs seem to have to put up with and you just have to get on and make the best of it.
A whole series of cacellations, eight in total, and sixx being because the opposition could not raise a side, all of them on a Friday night, has meant that the season is still not finished. They do have a double-header tomorrow at Brokham against Shene, which is unfaor and might have been avoided if Tim Carr had any heart or compassion in him. Garry Wait has kindly volunteered to to M'aires after the dinner to make sure that nothing more than lemonade is consumed.
The spirit in the side has been good with good attendance at the Market afterwards for both Home and after Away matches and players whilst generally disappointed with the playing results have semed to enjoy the season.
The plus points of the year have certainly been the return of Garry Wait after a very bad knee injury last year to baging in the goals and looking a good striker and even managing to get Scud to pass. Duncan Preston in goal has come on considerably and whilst tryig to impersonate Bartez at times both on and particularly off the field is a good keeper.
Nick Barclay has as always been very helpful and supportive and has had a good season, but sometimes it is wished that he would not always see the good in everything, but that's Nick.
We've already heard about the 4s and we certainly don't want to hear any more, so onto the 3s. Tony's reports, like most of the team captains, that:
"It's been a difficult season for the 3s as perhaps 6 good players from the core of last season's side have moved on. As a result, we have ended up scrapping for relegation. Many of the side have still shown tremendous spirit in difficult games and Tim Banks and Ric Cole particularly stand out for playing consistenly well, however toughthe situation.
As the season has gone on, it has been good to see new players developing and showing great promise. Adrian Martin and Rick Patel have both moved onto the 2s and Kieran Parkinson and Nick Bourner came into the 3s at the end of the season and shown a lot of skill and potential.
The two best goals of the season were scored by Marcus Dale and Alan Harding, both from about 30 yards, in difficult games.
The team has been hampered by a new captain who is generally unable to find away grounds, particularly Economicals, where we went to completely the wrong part of South London. Tim Carr took the kit to wash once this season and forgot it for the next one. Alan Harding missed half a game through putting his clock back rather than forward.
And finally, the senior players in the side spent 10 minutes discussing which end to play from in one game (when wind and sun made the choice of ends important). We decided to manoevre the opposition to the end we wanted, so we put their net up first and offered them that end. The ref summoned me wand we won the toss and which point I said "We'll change ends then". Rob Stapleton's dark look and comment of "I presume that we lost the toss then" said everything and the shame has lived with me to this day."
We'll save the Reserves until last, because it's always best to keep the best 'til the end. Bit like when you're a kid and your Mum makes you eat everything on your plate "Or she'll serve it for breakfast". So you eat all your Butter Beans and celery first and have the lamb stew last to take the taste away? Just me then?
The 1s had a funny sort of season. great start with three league wins out of four and progress in both cups. However, by the sixth game I'd already had to use 23 players and it was beginning to show. We threw away a 80th minute two-goal lead at home to Wood Green, losing 3-2 and proceeded to go on a losing streak from October to February, punctuated only by a phenominal 3-1 victory in the cup against Premiership side Parkfield. This was probably the performance of the season and showed that we really can compete at the highest level when we are on song. But back to that bad run, basically we spent three months getting stuffed by all and sundry, including two humblings at the hands of QMC (during one of which Dave Elledge hobbled off after two minutes), a footballing lesson in the LOB by Ignatians (who went on to lose the final AET) and a disappointing reverse to old rivals, Dorking, after extra time in the AFA Cup. We dropped like the proverbial stone from second top to second bottom and it needed four wins and three draws from the next seven to drag us out of trouble and briefly awaken hopes of promotion. In the end we finished comfortably mid-table and very grateful for the merger - all seven wins came against ex-SOL teams.
My own favourite moment came in the final league game last week. It was a meaningless mid-table concounter for both sides, so I spent that last 25 minutes up front in a daring 2-5-3 formation. Gary won us a penalty and, having never scored for the club, I seized the ball from him. Poor Paddy, one-up in the goal table and Alan playing in the 4s, turned away in tears and disbelief. Unfortunately, I blasted the ball against the bar, so I am still on a duck. Anyway, ten minutes later, I won us another penalty (the judges on the side gave me an average of 5.2 for the triple-salko dive) and calmly walked to the spot. This time Paddy really was in tears and wailing that he needed it.........
We still have a chance of some glory in the Oxted and District Cup and have the final to play on Sunday. Having not played inthe competition so far and leaving the captaincy to young Craddock, I have already explaied to him that I will be coming down to pick up the trophy when he leads the boys to victory.
Steve has been fabulous this season, challenged for best player by a rejuvanted Grant, an inspired Warrick, a repositioned Dickins and an alectric Stanners up front. Shame the Martin.S could not follow suit as he has given away penalties, own goals and gifts on a plate to the oppo! Only joking Simon!
If one can get Big Dave Elledge and Little Dave Eade out more regularly and Ladykiller Crooks back, a good season beckons next year.
Which only leaves the Reserves.
A magnificent debut season of captaincy by Steve Coffey, who has also found time to play for me on a few occasions:
"Disappointing start, losing first two league games and then making an early exit from county cup. First league win of the season was a Sutts, followed by a run of five wins on the trot, including our first LOB Cup game. The remainder of the season saw us lose three and draw one, enabling us to finish third in the league with a record of won 10, lost 5 and drew 1. Som of the best performances were in the LOB Cup, where we beat Salvatorians from Senior 5 on route to the last 16 where we narrowly lost 2-1 at Vaughans from Senior 4. If losing wasn't bad enough, our changing room was ransacked and Ian Whit had his car nicked (he didn't think that it was safe leaving it at the Nutley!). Thinking back, it was quite an eventful day. Tony Davies arrived early -- the one and only time, although according to his girlfriend 'a regular occurance'. Plus we had a woman referee! Other highlights: Rob Stapleton keeping a clean sheet for the first time in three years vs Sutts, securing 3rd place on a plougherd field vs Grammarians and the 2-0 victory vs Tenisons in the first game of a double-header, including Tim Carr getting his nuts squeezed by an opponent. The second match was an altogether different experience.
All in all, a pretty good season and thanks to all the players who've turned out for the 2s for their efforts and committment throughout the season and I don't think that any of you would object if Tony Davies and Keith Pearson, for their consistently good performances at the back, and Paddy Kennedy, for his goalscoring prowess, were given special mention."
Great stuff, and all being well, they will hopefully be promoted.
So, other than the 2s, not too many highlights on the pitch itself, but as usual there has been plenty of other stuff to get excited about.
We've had the Fantasy Football League, won by...erm...me! (Just to prove that I can pick a decent side) and Les Fine, the FFL cup won by Gary Panton, and the inaugral Millionaire game, most definitely NOT won by me. My "There's no 'N' in Illinois" was my best answer as I won a resounding one thousand pounds. In fact, Tim Carr went on to win and he also won the quiz night in a team with Steve Fine, Mark Allen and Dave Cox.
We have an amazing website, a fantastic regular magazine and one club stalwart who is responsible for all of these things. He is also responsible for the 6th team kit being liberally doused in perfume and glitter one week when he knew he wasn't playing! Unbelievably, after what I hear has been a great season, Eagles is threatening to hang up his gloves, which would be a great loss to the club. I'm sure we can all join together to ask him to stay on for another season or two.
At this point Chris Brown has asked me to announce the winner of his raffle. The winning number is 197
[The 'raffle' was won by Eagleton who collected, as the prize, his boots and gloves that he had put in the bin after the Fisher game. - cheers lads - Ed]
Talking of people moving on, I am truly sorry to announce that our Chairman, Terry Harvey, Vice Chairman, Dave Billing and Fixtures Secretary Tim Carr are all standing down at the end of the season. None of them needs any platitudes from me - suffice to say that they have each given tremendous service to the club over many many years and will be sorely missed. I'm sure that they will all continue to play a role in the club as we move forwards, but for the moment, I thank them all for their unfailing support and service - Terry, Dave and Tim.
Dave has been Vice Chairman for 17 years and, as EVERYONE knows, has an incredible scoring record that Paddy will never match however often he pleads to tak penalties. In 1969/70, the first team were Division 1 South Champions and Dave scored 51 goals, putting him as top scorer in the entire Old Boys League. In all, he has notched well over 600 goals for the club. Apparently, Dave is a paragon of virtue (i.e. his friends don't gossip), but I have unearthed one little gem from tour a few seasons back. Shirking the traditional curry "because it makes me sick", our Dave dragged Steve Fine off for an Italian. Predictably enough, he then deposited the contents of his Italian meal in a plastic bag, which poor Steve had to dispose of!
Terry has also been at the helm for 17 years and some years before that as Vice Chairman. Terry also played for the first team, but found his best moments as captain of the Reserves when he led them to three promotions. At this point, given Terry was not able to be here last year, I though I could do no better than borrow a chunk of Neil's speech, so thanks Neil, and here goes:
Playing in midfield or on the right wing, Terry was an industrious player who was a great team man and was always prepared to put his neck on the line to support a teammate. In one match, a fellow Old Reigatian was injured but the referee refused to stop the game. Taking matters in to his own hands, Terry stormed up to the referee, grabbed the whistle from out of his mouth, threw it on the ground and proceeded to stamp it in to the mud. The game had to be stopped until the whistle could be retrieved, but at least our injured player could receive some attention. Terry's indiscipline also got him in to trouble in the local public houses. Banned from The Feathers in Merstham for persistently knocking over the cash till, Terry was also banned from The Red Lion in Reigate for swinging a condom full of beer around his head. Known for enjoying a beer or two, Terry's drinking habits have become more exotic in his later years. Having become fed up with his regular tipple of blackcurrant and lager, Terry has now graduated to the more sophisticated cocktail of brandy, lime and lemonade!
As a footballer, Terry was renowned for his incredibly ferocious shot. You would have thought that it would be an advantage to have a player in your side who could strike a ball with such power, but unfortunately Terry was unable to distinguish between a powerful drive and a precision pass. Consequently, when an ORs striker demanded a precision ball to feet they would be expecting a well-weighted pass to the side of the defender. What Terry would actually deliver would be a 50 miles per hour pass from 10 yards away, and Steve Fine has confessed that he has actually been knocked over at least twice by Terry's attempted delicate chips!
Also stepping down from duty is Rob Dartnell, who has decided to retire after more than a decade at the top of the club. It's a devastating blow for me as Rob has been the mainstay of central midfield all season and weighed in with four goals. He is a talented and tenacious player and unlike many others, is nearly always available. His apetite for the game has never waned and when he is surrounded by three forty-somethings as he was last week, 33 is surely too young to give up.
Well, that's just about it and I'm sitting down to play 'catch up' with the wine. So thanks to everyone for their time, and here's to some improvement next year with a new committee, a fitter club and better availability. Enjoy the summer and see you all at training and the 6-a-side.
Thank you.
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