This was the brainchild of Alan Harding and undaunted by the lack of response within the club, he extended it to some ex-players and some people that, it is hoped, will be coming along to play in the future.

An early reconnoitre was made by Harding, Eagleton and Hyett (he played for the 6s a few season ago), with the intention of picking up some last minute provisions and grabbing a bacon roll and large mug of tea from Sue's Snacks - the best breakfast in Brighton. Fed, they travelled north the 250 yards to the station to meet up with the others and start the drinking at the station bar. There already, waiting, was Gary Panton, eager, fresh, vibrant.

The happy quartet then retired to the station bar where they were soon joined by Mark Ransom and there they partook of a lager breakfast, whilst waiting for others to arrive and for the clock to strike 12 o'clock, when the challenges could commence.

Challenges? Ah, yes. Rather than set up the usual, go-to-Brighton-and-get-mullered routine, the additional spice of having a challenge day was thrown in. The idea was nicked from the Stag Day of a certain Mr William Morris, who was next to arrive. He has never played for Reigatians, but was in part the inspiration for me to become a goalkeeper, so he was an honorary member for the day. Anyway, the idea is that a successful day out shouldn't be measured only in pints, but also something more tangible, a target of points to achieve. Points that are awarded for the completion of certain challenges e.g. eating a whelk could be worth, say, 50 points. You get the idea.

The half-dozen was soon a dozen and the clock was approaching the midday hour. It was time to don the obligatory baseball cap (to be worn at a jaunty angle for the day), draw a name badge and hand out challenge sheets (Word Doc.).

For interest, the names in the frame were:

And so it began.

First challenge was performed by the organisers, a forward roll each on Brighton Station concourse, netting 5 points each. A long way to go to reach the minimal target of 30,000 points. It may have been worth more as it was in the middle of the station where there were quite a few police as it was a protest day against the war in Iraq, but it was only a forward roll! People were still a bit (beer)shy, so Eagleton then added a further 100 points by asking the closing time of a shop assistant in a 24-7.

The journey wend it's way down towards the sea and some more minor points were earned up en route, such as the fake moustache that Eagleton had to wear for 30 minutes (the result of rolling a 3 on the Tour Dice) - he also purchased some Snaps - well, you never know when you'll find something funny to do with them. Morris added more points by buying a Brighton & Hove Albion titfer and then Harding upped the stakes by deliberately treading in a fresh dog poo - it only remained to find a pub to tread it into to complete the challenge. Weatherspoons came into view, perfect. After all the sh!t service experienced in The Currant Bun, this was some small payback. The 5p piece added to the mixture by Lewis, earned some bonus points. Lewis, having broken his duck, added good points by asking the bar steward if they sold beer and then discovered an old mate from school called John, although "John" was 83 years old and told Ian that he must be mistaken.

Points were coming in, but we were still a long, long way off of our basic target of 30,000 points. There was a Points Target Ladder to determine how successful the day was:

Next step was Walkabout. Asking if they sold beer and asking for drinks like 'Badger's Elbow' didn't even phase the Aussie Bar Steward, who had seen everything...or so he thought. Lewis performed masterfully again, by combining the speaking of gobbledegook and Tiretz Syndrome and then had to order at least two rounds during this 20 minute spell (as determined by the Tour Dice). This was a new one on the bar steward, as was the succession of five forward rolls across the width of the pub by Jones and a demonstration of cr@p Tai-Chi from Eagleton.

It was at this stage that Marek espied the Hen Party who had just entered. He looked at them, he looked at his name badge, he looked at the challenge sheet, he looked at the Hen Party again. Marek smiled and suddenly became a very drunk stag who tried to get a pair of knickers in exchange for his pants from the Hen. Hyett joined in and also tried out another girl with the Linx Effect. Meanwhile, many journeys to the ladies toilet, with camera in had, took place. Some boring f@rts were playing on the games machine. Eagleton, who had disappeared, suddenly turned up again, in a complete change of clothes from the Barnado's Charity Shop - he still refutes the suggestions that the shirt was actually nicer than the one that he went out in (which had become beer-sodden after a Laurel and Hardy time-telling sketch with Harding).

It was time to leave Walkabout and go to the beach, Hyett getting directions to both piers in the process. Eagleton went for a swim in the icy sea, earning big points as the others made him go back in, remove his trunks and put them on his head, much to the amusement of some Japanese girls watching on. There were still a lot of points to be earned yet and the weather was turning even colder, it was hard to see whether we would make the basic target, let alone a Gold Award. Hopes were pinned on the elusive punching of a seagull - it had been tried before, but never had it been successful. That was for later on, though, now we needed a different sort of hero. That hero was Tim Carlier. "Tiny" Tim, a strapping six-footer, had been quiet so far and then, from nowhere he asked "How many points to do forward rolls into the sea?" "10,000", he was told - no-one would be that daft, surely. Tim removed his jacket, emptied his pockets and did four forward rolls so that he was in the sea up to his calves. Then he performed one more and became totally immersed. Soaking and freezing, he made his way back up the beach to the cheering masses, whereupon he reached into his pocket and restrieved a very wet mobile phone. Massive points from Tim and the Bronze and maybe even Silver looked on again. The only problem was that Tim had no change of clothes, he was soaking and it was freezing. A warm pub was needed. And lots of towells.

This wasn't the end though. We were still on a mission. Pavement Mountaineering, more gobbledegook, pool cue chalk on the nose, ordering pints of tap water (and drinking them, Mr Panton!), ordering Babycham, etc, took place and all the time items were being collected for the Treasure Hunt.

Smuggler's Bar was the scene of many a pool competition. Many bad pool competitions. Sure, it felt like we were playing well, but from a sober viewpoint, it wasn't too clever - I'm sure Bar Billiard Skittles shouldn't go on pool tables. If there was anyone wanting to hustle a lot of money, then all they had to do was to look around, see pool cue chalk on noses, name badges being proudly displayed, people talking gobbledegook and one bloke standing there soaking wet and shivering. It was here that Tim left his wallet in the toilets for an hour - not for a challenge. Also, a pool cue rest became a part of the Treasure Hunt (it was returned).

The Treasure Hunt

A list of items to collect was issued with 15 being enough to earn 5,000 bonus points. This is how we did (the ones crossed out are those that we got):

Windmill (must work) Unopened bottle of beer (some hope!) Box of matches (individually used - no genies) Shell (not explosive) Saucy Postcard Feather (not attached to a bird; feathered or otherwise!) Toilet Roll (unused) No Smoking Sign Train (use your initiative) Menu Beer Mat Newspaper of the day One of the team's pants (no skiddies) Egg (hard boiled) Prostitute Card Stone from the beach Candyfloss stick (without Candyfloss) Pair of flip-flops Bucket &/or Spade Bra (still warm) £5 note Additional Item: Pool Cue Rest!

See the original list (Word Doc.)

Night fell and we found ourselves on the pier, getting chips (and dropping them). We were still short of our total when the second hero popped up. Marcel Hyett was spotted leaning over the edge of the pier. Was he going to be sick? We all gathered to watch a vomit (which would count as minus points) take place, but no, the man was nowhere near the diced carrot stage. Instead, he was holding out a chip to an attractive black-haired gull that kept swooping over him - he was going for the punch, which would see us well into the Silver Award stage. For fully half-an-hour, Marcel held out chip after chip and the gull got closer and closer, but would not quite trust him enough to come close enough to receive its just deserts. Then something unexpected happened. There was a sharp intake of breath from the assembled throng as a large common gull alighted on the pier railings only three feet away from the would-be seagull-smasher. Marcel switched his attentions to the new arrival. He edged a little closer, the seagull edged away. Hyett edged closer again and waved the chip. The seagull eyed up his adversary; drunk, possibly tired, a little overweight maybe, no contest. It could have the chip and be away before the human could react. The gull darted forward, snatched the chip and began to make good its escape. This was easy. WRONG! A left jab moving at the speed of light came from nowhere and caught the feathered one a glancing blow on the beak.

YES!!!

In case you're worried, the bird wasn't hurt, physically, although the mental scars are still with it, the laughs of humans and other birds alike, still ringing in its ears, as it flew off with it's chip. The councelling sessions that it took have proved successful and it now takes bit-parts in Bird's Eye commercials.

More fun and games on the pier included wheelbarrow races and the winning of Bob the Builder-esque toys with the sole purpose of booting them into the sea, although some people also took an unhealthy interest in undessing them. Also into the sea went the jumbo-sized toilet roll that had been collected as part of the Treasure Hunt and the trousers that Mark had bought in Barnado's, as they had split during the cr@p Tai-Chi demonstration. A candyfloss stick appeared after the fastest devouring of a candyfloss ever witnessed. We also attempted the doughnut challenge, but didn't quite succeed. There were five doughnuts that were eaten and five of us. Nobody fanced the thought of eating three so we had a race, which Gary Panton won. Unfortunately, we were all too p!ssed to realise that they had just come out of the fat and were scalding hot, hence we all ended up with blisters on the roof of the mouth.

We were now sure of a medal and we decided to finish the drinking in a cocktail bar. It all went well, Harding managed to find a non-alcoholic cocktail for Eagleton, who was flagging. There was some decent looking blart about, but there were also a lot of very tired blokes. Surely no-one would fall asleep in a noisy bar though, would they? Believe it or not Mark Ransom obliged and fell asleep and then had the cheek to go mental when he awoke to find a windmill in his beer and lots of cameras in his face. That being that, some of the group decided to finish the beers in Redhill so that Harding wouldn't have to pay for a taxi from Brighton to Horley again.

There were fun and games getting to the station when some of the group decided to bypass the 'Peace' march, whilst others decided to go straight through it. The train was caught though and the shinanigans continued on the journey home, when Eagleton's hat did the rounds and then he found the box of Snaps and everyone present decided to explode them on each other's foreheads. The party was reunited at Gatwick briefly before final journeys were undertaken. It was here that it was discovered that Tim Carlier still had his shoes on the wrong feet. His clothes were still damp. And his mobile phone still didn't work.

The Currant Bun was our host and many (too many) Vodka Red Bulls were imbibed before Harding and Hyett found themselves as the only ones left - in M'aires...via the kebab van where they got some shoes.

Any worries about how it might affect people's games the next day were poo-pooed, as Harding put in a great performance for the 3s, as did Panton for the 1s, Rogers for the 4s and Eagleton...for Sidcup.

Same again in the summer!

Table of successful challenges and final score

Compulsory Challenge

Challenge	Points	Who	Score
Compulsory Challenge - Everyone must take part in this, unless there is a medical reason why not. Depending on the roll of a dice, eat one of the following: [1] - Crabstick [2] - Cockle [3] - Winkle [4] - Whelk [5] - Rollmop herring [6] - Jellied eels - if an item is unavailable, a substitute must be made	The number rolled x 10 or…
If all complete	2,000
Bonus if one person does all 6	500
Deduction per person opting out	250
Not completed - 2000 points deducted	-250	All	-2,000

Dice-controlled Timed Challenges

Depending on the roll of a dice, the challenge must be done for that amount of minutes. Score = Individual score x 10 points per multiple.

Challenge	Points	Who	Score
Loo roll on shoe from toilet x10 or until told by a stranger [rolled 6]	50	AH	110
Wear a outrageous hat, bought from a Charity Shop x10 [rolled 6]	50	WM	110
--- Bonus: bought a jester's hat with balls that lit up - everyone was wearing it on the train	50	ME, AH, MR, NI, MH	300
Have Tiretz Syndrome x2 - [rolled 1]	200	IL	220
--- Bonus: combined it with speaking gobbledegook	-	IL	200
--- Bonus: ordered two rounds of drinks in Walkabout at the same time	-	IL	1,000
Wear a (obviously) fake moustache x10 [rolled 3]	25	ME	55
--- Bonus: MH wore it on his forehead and performed a particularly fine Kebab Van impression	-	MH	100
Have your shirt sticking out of your flies x10 or until told [rolled 3]	40	??	70
Push/Pull a door the wrong way x 1 or until told	10	WM	20
--- Bonus: He was told by PL!	-	WM, PL	50
Speak a foreign language or gobbledegook x 5 [rolled 4]	250	IL, ME, AH	410
Wear shoes on the wrong feet x10 [rolled 4]	80	AH, MH, ME, TC	240
--- Bonus: AH and MH had mixed shoes on	-	MH, AH	100
Pretend to have one or both arms missing and have them up your jumper x5 [rolled 4]	50	GP	90
Use the line "Marvelous, bloody marvelous" x20 [rolled 1 - thank goodness!]	40	IL	50
Walk around with pool cue chalk on the end of your nose x10 [rolled 5]	50	PL, ME	200

The Other Challenges

Challenge	Points	Who	Score
Punch a seagull (it's harder than it sounds) performed with dedication above and beyond the call of duty - extra points	15,000	MH	18,000
Get a complete change of clothes in a Charity Shop and wear them straightaway	2,000	ME	2,000
Go in the ladies ('Go' in the ladies for a bonus)(photo = double bonus)	50	WM, AH, MR2	450
Go for a swim (B-r-r-r-r)	300	ME, TC	600
--- Bonus: it was VERY cold	-	ME	1,000
--- Bonus: they made him go in again, claiming that they hadn't seen it	-	ME	1,500
--- Bonus: took trunks off and put them on his head (whilst in the sea)	-	ME	2,000
--- Bonus: Did five forward rolls into the sea	-	TC	12,000
--- Bonus: forgot to take his mobile phone out of his pocket first	-	TC	2,500
Step in a dog poo on purpose and tread it into the next pub	2,000	AH	2,000
--- Bonus: Had to alkk with it on his shoe for about half a mile before we found a pub	-	AH	150
--- Bonus: stuck a 5p in it	-	IL	100
Ask directions to the pier whilst within sight of it	200	MH	200
--- Bonus: Got direction to both piers!	-	MH	100
Forward Rolls	5	Various	160
--- Bonus: Five on the trot across the width of Walkabout	-	IJ	350
Win a cuddly toy on the pier and then kick it into the sea (no points if you buy it) (double bonus to offer to a kid first)	1,000	??	1,000
Go into a pub and ask it they sell alcohol	350	IL x 2	700
Go to a 24 hr Shop and ask what time they close	100	ME	100
Get chips and drop them straightaway (bonus to repeat ad infinitum)	300	??	300
Walk up to a girl in a bar and put your armpit in her face and say "The Linx Effect" and walk away embarrassed when it doesn't work	2,000	MH (2,000), ME (500)	2,500
Ask for pints of made-up ales like Old Badgers Peculiar, Vicar's Elbow, Ferret's Giblits. Insist that they sell them at Weatherspoons and Firkin	300	MH	300
Leave long pauses in your conversation with someone and if they interrupt, shout "I AM NOT FINISHED"	50	ME	50
Pretend someone in the street is an old school mate, reminisce and insist that you know them	300	IL	300
--- Bonus: the bloke was 60 years Ian senior	-	IL	300
Get someone to spill drink over them selves by asking them the time	300	ME, AH	300
Mountaineer up the pavement	1,650	ME, AH, MW	1,650
Pretend it's someone's stag do	250	MW, MH	250
--- Bonus: A performance above and beyond the call of duty by both, especially MW, who bought antler horns and tried to get some knickers from a Hen Party	-	MW, MH	1,000
Ask for a pint of tap water	40	GP	40
Have wheelbarrow races	1,000	ME & IL, PL & MW	1,000
--- Bonus: did it in the pub on the pier by the bouncers	-	ME & IL, PL & MW	500
--- Bonus: then did it around on the pier and had bouncers taking bets	-	ME & IL, PL & MW	2,000
BONUS CHALLENGE: Cr@p Tai-Chi in the pub	-	ME	500
BONUS CHALLENGE: Leaving wallet in toilet unattended for 60 minutes - unintentional challenge	-	TC	200
BONUS CHALLENGE: Banging Snaps on each other's forehead in the train	-	ME, AH, NI, MH	400
Compulsory Challenge: Treasure Hunt	5,000	All (mostly GP)	5,000

Grand Total: 61,440 points

GOLD!